All those men (or boys)

I should have know better in my youth. I wish I could remember more. I am sure I have blocked most of it out for shame. I attribute my behavior to not having a stable home life. Is that wrong?? Where should I begin? With what I did? or how I think I got there??

I guess how I got there. I remember walking home from school with my girlfriends. I was 8 years old. The father of my baby sitter was on the cornerĀ  a few blocks from my house and took me over to a friends house to play. I thought it was strange, but hell I was only 8 any way. We had fun playing, little did I know my life was about to change forever.

I cannot remember who picked me up, but when I arrived at home in the early evening, there were a lot of cars in my driveway. When I walked in, there were so many people there and all of the windows and doors were open. I cannot really remember much from back then, however the next few minutes I will never forget. My father asked me to come with him in his room. I sat on the bed and he on the floor. He told me my mom had gone to heaven, she had a bad heart. I do not really remember how I felt at that moment. I do know my father asked me if I wanted to be alone! Really? A 8 1/2 year old. I told him, no, I was scared. Everything else was a blur. That night my sister and I slept with our babysitter and had a good time giggling and cutting up. The next day we flew back to the place where we were all born.

Again, I do not remember much. What I do remember is playing with my cousins and telling them I was going to the funeral. They proceeded to tell me that the funeral was going on as we spoke. WOW, I did not even get to go to my own mother’s funeral. I DO NOT CARE THAT I WAS JUST A CHILD.


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